Thursday, January 03, 2008

The Biggest Loser is my Waist!

I know some people can handle it, but I cannot own a scale. There are times when I wish I could check just out of curiousity, but I know it would quickly spiral into a bad area.

I'm an anorexic...it's just like being a recovered alcoholic, the siren call is still there occasionally.

Granted, I haven't fallen off the wagon really badly in 10 years, but 2 years ago when we were nomadic I had 2 months of selfish anorexic indulgence. I've found my trigger for it, it's lack of control over any aspect of my life. Two years ago that meant we were nomadic and moving every two weeks. Talk about having no control over your life. Before that I'd selfishly starved myself after my son was born. The doctor finally told me to give him formula because he wasn't getting the nutrients he needed from me...talk about feeling guilty!

The reason all this ran through my brain is because I know I gained weight over the holidays. Putting my pants on is evidence of this...I don't need a scale. I entertained the idea of anorexia for all of 5 minutes, but I was able to move on to better thoughts of healthy eating and exercise. I feel like my emotional and spiritual health are starting off strong this year, I just need to have my physical health catch up!

1 comment:

Tara said...

Good for you! I had a roommate who was a recovering bulimic and I know the struggles she went through, fighting the urge to purge! I'm proud of you.