Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Wonder Boy and His Cranium of Titanium

This just in...C has decided to take up head bashing as an extreme sport! He’s pretty good at it…practices at least once a day, though many days he drastically overshoots his quota. I think he gets more points for blood and extreme dentation. Injures of note were the extreme biting of his tongue and splitting his forehead open on the closet runner. I never knew coffee tables could leave a 5 hour indented line down the side of your face either. Paramedics have nothing on me when it comes to calm responses to injury. Do doctors ever do complimentary MRI’s? Also, within the last month he swallowed a plastic, marble-sized boulder and shoved hot dog pieces so far up his nose I had to hold him down and suction it out! Thank goodness the kid had enough sense to point to his nose and say "hot dog" and I could interpret. Do you think this is a boy thing or just “2nd Child” syndrome? I think being both the first and last born comes with it's own syndrome...he's showing all the signs:
-numerous injuries
-monkey see, monkey do risky things big sister does
-dramatic reponses to sister's dictatorship
-did I mention injuries?

R is becoming a genius in preschool and a teenager at home (also read "1st Child syndrome). Symptoms include (but not limited to):
-fair amount of bossiness
-narcing to the point of insanity, "Mom, he's sneezing!" Who the hell cares!
-feelings of entitlement to every movement and object C possesses.
-socialability that far surpasses those of both parents and a Turkish diplomat combined.
She knows Spanish numbers and colors, has learned some phonics and can count to nearly 20. During parent/teacher conferences her teacher’s main praise was how friendly and outgoing she was. So it's a toss up as to whether she'll be a freakish bookworm like her mom, or a raging high school drug addict like here dad. Hmmm, life choices, life choices. Both will eventually require therapy. I doubt there are many kids that couldn't use a good therapist here and there. At home she often tells me, “I know, MOM,” in exactly the tone I think I perfected in high school. You know the tone, the one that makes you want to shove dried spaghetti noodles in your ears and scream, "You're a twit, and I'm STILL smarter than you with spaghetti hanging out my ears!!!" Oh, the never failing confidence of the young that they can know it all. Idiots (don't worry, I'm including myself since I'm only 24).
Did I mention God gave us a brand new (used) car!!! A 1994 Isuzu Rodeo materialized out of the EXTREMELY unlikely place of my parents church. I think He just does it to prove some freakish point about HIM being in control. Psh.