Saturday, September 30, 2006

Tis the season...

...for illness to begin. Kids have now been at school just long enough for the germs to explode into green snot and barf. Somehow my kids have dodged being sick so far and have settled into mere seasonal allergies.

Caedmon has been into praying lately. Here's a typical bedtime prayer: "God, thank you...Bubba, Lana, Roofie (ruth), mom, dad. Help peanut butter not be bad, help mom and dad not be bad. Help Jesus not be bad. My dreams sleep good....Amen!" I love it!

I woke up Friday morning praising God. I lay there filled with the beauty of the dreams He had given me. The dreams spoke of our church Body and where God could lead us if we gave over all of our Self to His plan. It was amazing to walk through the dream sensing each of our struggles and truimphs on the spiritual plain. He had us walking with our spiritual eyes on and it was beautiful. It was such a great gift.

He's been giving me a lot of spiritual gifts lately, which has made the physical hardships sting less. Praise God for His wisdom that surpasses mine!

Friday, September 29, 2006

I Joined the League of Pastor's Wives

I'm oh so excited about this...nothing like finding a group who knows where you're coming from! Holla out to my sisters!

Friday, September 15, 2006

Here I Sit...

...crying out.
Trying to find
what You're all about.

As yet I don't know what to say,
as yet I don't know what to do.
But all will reveal Himself in time.

On the move once again. Place of rest #5 since May. Let me just say that moving 2 cars worth of stuff every couple of weeks really takes it out of a woman. Luckily the kids don't notice the stress that radiates off of me every moving day. Then there's the questioning of God I do more than I think I should; that combined with mourning over a lost food budget and comfort zone is enough to make me crack like a toddler faced with a three course veggie dinner.

When will it all slow down?? I don't know.

Oh yeah, I've also been informed that I've been a jerk about the whole situation. I've made some of my friends feel like I look down on them for their homes and food budgets and trips to the zoo. In reality I don't look down on them, it's just plain old jealousy rearing its ugly mug.
I've withdrawn from a lot of my friends because I'm ashamed and embarrassed of where God leads us, no one else seems to be traveling this road we're on right now. But, talking to some of the pastor's wives and other women in the body, they've been on this road long ago and have now walked on to different roads. Thank God that this may only last for 10 YEARS!

A new development on the spiritual attack front: Ruthie's innocence and character were attacked this week. It was one of those "playing doctor" situations that every mom probably will have, but never wants. It's hard to strike the right balance of making your kid understand that you love them and, "Please for the love of God always tell me when something like this happens!" You don't want to freak your 4 yr old out, but they need to grasp some of the seriousness of it. To complicate the situation the perpetrator of this incident is the older sibling of one of Ruthie's friend's....AT CHURCH! That means I have to see the other mother nearly every week in our church of only 100 people. Crap. The other mother asked her kids what happened and, of course, they denied it and she backs them up (I would too). I just hope that A) I can continue to respond to this mom as a fellow sister and B) her kids will fess up or get caught doing it again.

Went to a prayer night last night and had a "Nearness to God" experience. I've had the feeling of God surrounding me before, but this felt like He took over my whole body and I was the size of a newborn rocking in His arms. If I could sit there all the time I would.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Last Good Cry

Yesterday was cathartic (sp?)...all that we've been experiencing lately caught up with me. I scared myself...I haven't felt that full of despair since before Living Waters. It was good though, Jason encouraged me to drive away and find a shoulder to cry on. I called a woman from church who I know only slightly, but who has great compassion, great prayer and has been where we have been.
I called her and asked if I could come over and as I drove over there I kept trying to pull it together. I didn't want to walk in the door with red eyes and sniffling (stupid, since I went there to cry) so she wouldn't see how much I was hurting, but God wouldn't let me. We got to her basement and I broke down...emotionally and bodily. I cried as if my world had ended and apparently I really need to.
It's hard to cry like that as an adult. I have this internal "adult" response monitor that continually tell me to pull it together. But a good crying jag is definately okay.
Thank You for safe women who can comfort me when I need it. Thank You for a husband who understands and supports me. Thank You for emotional outlets
I'm really curious...when was your last good cry????