Friday, May 16, 2008

We were Kung Fu Fighting

I really expected that by the time I had reached 7 years of marriage that hubby and I would've learned how to discuss things well...this is apparently NOT the case.

Whether it's politics, passports, predestination or popsicles we lose are heads every time and completely forget the other's discussion needs.

Take me: I need time to process. Bring me the initial issue of discussion, debate for 20 minutes...then let me go do the dishes and process all the pertinent information and pray.

Hubby's style is discuss it, discuss it, discuss it until an answer is found. He's an outloud processor and likes my input.

I like to hear both sides and then mull it over while my emotions calm down.

It's irritating to both of us because we want to argue effectively so that the most God-honoring solution is reached. Darn our humanity and tempers. I can't tell if the kids can even tell that we're have a heated debate...they just seem annoyed that I can't answer their questions or tend to their needs in the middle of it.

What's your discussion style?
Have you and your spouse figured it out?

5 comments:

Tara said...

We've been married for 9 years and we haven't figured it all out yet.

Communication shouldn't be as hard as it is. Stupid fallen world. Stupid satan. Stupid selfishness.

Jessica said...

We haven't figured this out yet, but have only been married for 1.5 months. This isn't necessarily conflict, but a few times we've talked ourselves into a hole where the topic is way worse than it was at the beginning of the conversation. We're trying to catch those conversations at the beginning and tell ourselves to just chill out.

Now that I'm using Google Reader to keep up with blogs, you'll probably hear from me more often!

Bob O said...

Well - depending on the situation - there are different styles - which I guess is entirely dependent on my mood since her style never changes! :^)

If I'm in a good mood - the response is "Yes, dear! No problem. I'll take care of....."

If I'm in a bad mood - the response is "What? Are you crazy? Are you really sure of this, or...."

If I'm at work when it starts - "Mmhmmm, sure, okay." Which leads to the following conversation at home "Why didn't you tell me? Or You didn't say that!" Which always leads to "I did too..I called you at work when..." You know - you'd think she'd know not to call me at work about something important by now.

However, in all cases - it always comes down to the fact that regardless of the situation - she's right!

This is the second marriage for both of us. We've been married for 7 years as well. But, between the mistakes made in the previous marriages - we've had over 20 years of marriage experiences to guide us now! LOL

First and foremost - no "discussion" should ever elevate to anger.

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lamamanaturale said...

Thanks for visiting my site and entering the giveaway! My husband and I try to talk it out but most of the time were compromising...