Thursday, September 01, 2005

Hello Co-Dependency, My Old Friend

So, J is getting his Masters this year and is playing soccer for CCU as well. When all this was presented to us I thought surely it would be doable. After 2 weeks of 2 practices a day+work+team bonding+schoolwork I was about ready to throw in the proverbial towel. Enter c0-depedency, stage far left. I always I'm a Super Mom who can do all, see all, know all and still have time to do laundry. Yet, without J I'm realizing I lose a lot of emotional and, some would say, mental wind.
He has become my muse, my delight and caffeine. Hmmm...ATTACHED MUCH??!!! That being said I've been taking what little thinking time I've had to analyzing my leach-like behavior. Going from my ultra-controlled parental environment into marriage was great, but my mom was an enabling controller who rarely allowed me to make my own decisions or way. My jr and sr years of high school I found freedom within my cage, but I haven't been able to find my Self since that time. See, the Self has to adapt to marriage and kids, but mine disappeared and I haven't been able to call her back in the last four years. I have moved ever so slowly closer to embracing my Self again...now that I know she exists I'm starting to pursue her more diligently. Hopefully someday I can throw off cruel Co-Dependency and embrace my Self again. Blessings.

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