Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The In-law in Divorced Times

Any of you out there in blog land have too much family living in the same place?? Some of you may not have kids or in-laws yet, but should they live in the same town as your parents this may become a problem.
I hate going home. Mind you, Billings has a soft spot in my heart and I have fond memories there, but it's just gotten too complicated to go back. Here are all the people who vie for our time (which is usually a scant 3-5 days) when we go to B-town.
My grandparents-the wonderful nose squeaking grand-master
My parents-enough reverenting and establishing of new boundaries to last me a lifetime
My sister-the only one I ever REALLY want to see when I'm there
My brother-in-law, his wife and my niece-fun to be around, but I'm still working on having enough to talk about to fill a day's worth of interaction. Luckily, they're very forgiving of my lack of time
Jason's mom- a busy teacher of Hudderite (kinda like Amish) students and also married to someone we try to avoid because of past family drama.
This scenario can also have the third set of grandparents added to the mix, which is enough to cause Jason and I to split up our time there EVERY time we go. I (being a classic avoider of conflict) would simply like to do my own thang, but when you get the almighty GRANDKIDS in B-town everyone wants a piece. Maybe part of my tenseness and avoidance of it all is because it's not really me they want, it's my kids. Maybe as they get older we'll have to split them off to visit different parts of the family...or maybe I should just get it together and be a grownup...Nah!
If y'all have any advice...I'd appreciate it!


Robin said...

Oh, I feel bad for you. Both my husband and I have very large families and even though we get along with everyone there are still occasions when drama takes over. We have always done alot with my side of the family because most of us live in the same area. But now that my daughters are getting married and my own family is growing larger, we are starting to do more by ourselves. My side of the family is having a hard time with that! There's always some kind of complication isn't there?
On another note, be watching my blog - I am working on an article that will highlight our trip to Turkey!

Cool Mama said...

Hi! It's hard to comment on anyone else's family dynamics, but let me share what hubby and I have done in times past. First, let me gently remind you, that the Word says that the 'boundary lines have fallen TO ME in pleasant places'..meaning that your boundaries are pleasant to YOU - doesn't say your boundaries are goign to make everyone else happy. Now..having said that, I can sympathzie with you - we used to go thru the same thing, when we'd 'go home' for a visit. That was when God gave me that scripture. Here's the deal..I make room now for others to not get life from MY boundaries - the point is I get life. Then hubby and I decided, that we weren't spending holidays running all over the place seeing people - we'd already traveled we'd done our bit. Next, ...we also weren't going to spend all our time with people ( even if their relatives) who aggravate the heck out of us - we kept going back to our home, feeling the need of anohter holiday! So...we took charge of the visit, before we even went home. We decided how much time we were giving to this person and that..and we arranged the meeting places - our place or out somewhere, AND we put a TIME LIMIT on the visits. Now...people were shocked at first..but it went smoothly, we didn't feel emotionally exhausted when we left...and all-n-all, it started a nice tradition for us. IF they just want to see the kids, and we were comfortable with the kids being alone with them, that's what we did - dropped the kids off for a afternoon or a couple of hours. Worked good for us all. I think you may be frustrated because you're feeling powerless - with no control - It's not true! Just take your control back...You'll be fine!