Woo Hoo!

So excited am I...Over the last couple of days I won a couple of contests! Thanks to Cee Cee over at http://www.booksplurge.blogspot.com/ for such a great contest!

There's a book giveaway over at http://deenasbooks.blogspot.com/2007/09/first-best-of-giveawaychasing-fireflies.html a predominately Christian book review site.

It's Coming from your tubes

I am down to the season finale of "Big Love" and wasn't disappointed at all by the way they did this season. I still assert that it's one of the best written shows I've seen in a long time. Even my hubby who doesn't like the show admits that it's well written. After reading "Under the Banner of Heaven" the show seems even more ironic considering that polygamists are following everything that Joseph Smith laid down in the "D & C" Hi.ghly recommend that book if you need a crash course in Mormon history.

With the end of my polygamist summer, I am counting down the days until the fall show line up starts. I also need to tell you I don't have the fancy cable channels (i.e. HBO, Showtime)

My Can't Miss Shows:
-Heroes
-CSI
-House
-Scrubs (Last season folks)
-The Office

Show's That are Hanging by a Thread:
-ER (If it weren't medical I wouldn't even think about it, plus I have some fondness for all the good seasons)
-Grey's Anatomy (Give me a happy, stable couple please ya hosers!)
-Desperate Housewives (I don't even know why I'm still watching)


What shows are you eagerly waiting for in late September?

Picture Post

I just thought I would regal y'all with interesting (read weird!) pictures of our family. Also, here are pics of Ruth on her first day of kindergarten!

Family

Over the weekend we were in TN for the wedding of J's grandpa. His wife died of cancer 2 years ago. For the last 2 years he's done many things he never would've otherwise done. Now, he's marrying a wonderful lady (widow) and is on the marriage horse again.



As some of you know, I'm not into weddings...didn't have one of my own cause they're not my cup 'o tea. Well, sitting in the B&B and watching the amount of caring family that gathers around these two old lovebirds made me feel like this is the way wedding ought to be done. They've been through a lot and know a lot of what they're getting into by saying those vows to each other. They had great-grandchildren there to cheer them on!! I think J and I renewing our vows on our 25th or 30th anniversary would hold so much more weight than any ceremony we could've done at the beginning.



With this gathering of family came the usual fights and outbursts that I've come to expect from this family. Some new struggles were voiced by my SIL that made me sad.

Had to give in on coffee yesterday when we got back to CO...I had been up since 3am and was afraid that other shoppers in Target were thinking I was a drunk mom pushing my kids through the grocery section. But I'm back on the sans-caffeine wagon today...yeah for me (use a flat tone).

The Continuing Madness...

...that is little caffeine. I really feel like I'm recovering from some addiction; I knew it was but I didn't expect my brain to come alive at the slightest lick of coffee.

I've noticed a renewed craving for chocolate. Which brought me to the discovery of a most delectible product. I think EVERYONE knows how good Reese's Peanut Butter cups are.

WELL, they now have a wonderful cup filled with peanut butter and banana creme!!! I know it doesn't sound that great, but just think about how good pb and banana sandwiches are and you get the picture!

I am a Space...

...Something!! Going on ONE cup of black tea.

Count it people...ONE!!

Running around like a mad person today...Open house at kindergarten. Ruth is acting out and not telling me it's because she's nervous for school tomorrow. Damn hot day. Damn CHUBBY Pencils!!!

You ever seen one? I haven't.

Caffeine, Cramps and Catching Up

Whew! I finally finished reading through all the PW blogs on the blogroll. Gotta say I love keeping up with you all. So encouraging and refreshing.

I am off caffeine...I don't know why. I know that my brain has built up a dependency on it and I don't really remember what it's like to function without it. So I thought I'd give it a shot...on a week that corresponded to a crippling period! These things combined have aided by inability to answer my phone nor really want to hang with any peeps. I apologize to all who know me this week and hope you won't think I've taken a vow of grumpy seclusion!

The bright spot in my weeks has been my slowly and prayerfully putting together a group for the fall. My passion in life is to see women become all that God sees in them and I am finally getting a chance to lead a group. I have to carefully and prayerfully ask 3 women to be in this group and it's uber hard! There are so many people who I'd love to see on a weekly basis and get down into their souls. Anyhoo, I think I've found 2 and am continuing to seek Him for the last woman.
My dream is to have this group meet weekly FOREVER...okay, that's a little drastic, but at least for a couple of years so that we all have a solid group of chicks who know us well and can keep us going. Thanks to my core group of women who were with me through my high school years and beyond. Thanks to the Lockie's and Gammill's for being amazing couple's who called out my Self.

Generation Gap

Finally had one of those conversations with Ruth that makes you realize the age gap. We were sitting in the NWA club room on our way home from Florida and the kids were entertaining themselves by playing with an unplugged lobby phone. I noticed Ruth couldn't figure out whether the end with the cord attached was the talking part or not! That seemed so foreign to me, so I went on to explain to her that back in the day, ALL phones had cords and had to stay attached to the wall.
Her eyes got huge and she said, "But Mom! What if you need to call someone while you're in the car?!"
"Well honey, you didn't talk on the phone in the car, you just had to wait until you got home to call someone."
The poor kid almost fainted with horror. I went on to explain a time when you couldn't leave a message for someone, you just had to call back. I think she thought I was lying! How times have changed.

We spent four glorious days on a Florida beach courtesy of my father and mother-in-law. I could've spent all day trying to catch waves on the boogy board if my stinking legs wouldn't have gotten tired. Hubby was stung by jellyfish a couple of times and I sunburned a most unfortunate area...my hips!! Do you know how painful it is to wear pants when they keep rubbing those burns! Now I can finally buckle down this week and acknowledge that my sweet girl starts kindergarten next Wednesday.

Barreling Along

It's been busy around here since last Thursday. A cousin who I don't know well, my sister (the eminent and glorious Aunt Bink!!!), and my sister's friend all came into town. They are staying, all three, in our very small living room and using our very small bathroom. My dear hubby has realized his luck in our only producing one girl after all the clothing and accessories that entered the house with the three females. Both children are sporting neon yellow nails on fingers and toes. My son sees the advantages of superhero looks in the yellow polish.
I got to check off another Denver attraction on Saturday...Six Flags Elitch Gardens! I am, by Grand Design, a high junky. That translates into a deep love of those few attractions that can still strike some "oh my gosh I'm going to fly off this ride and die" type reverence into my heart. I went with my sister and her friend, so I didn't have to take care of anyone. So fun to scream my head off with terror. Our lunch consisted of nachos, popcorn chicken, curly fries and smothered funnel cake! Still blows my mind that I live in a time and country where amusement parks are available to me.
Saw "The Bourne Ultimatum" with my hubby and was floored by how well done it was. Man, that director should be given a bonus for how well he pulled it off.
Kids and I are battling colds and gearing up for New Smyrna Beach, Florida on Wednesday. Jason's folks rented a condo for 4 days.
I'll catch y'all in a week!

Shameless Contesting

I am a contest entering addict...have been from a young age. So now I'm trying for a TV from Best Buy. The ladies over at 5 Minutes For Mom are hosting. Here's the link: http://www.5minutesformom.com/2032/insignia-37inch-flat-panel-lcd-hdtv-contest

The August Itch

Let me just tell you, I LOATHE August! For some reason mankind has deemed it the month where nothing happens. Events taper off and most church-related activities take a month of rest. I completely understand that church staff need at least a month to regroup for the coming year, but it makes it tough to stay focused. Can't we somehow rotate? Some Bodies take June or July off?
Which brings me to my "itch". Ever since we were married 6 years ago August is my month of discontent. I get this burning desire to run out and find a job...any job, to fill my month-sized itch! Traditionally for us (and most ministry funded people), August is a tight month...very tight. I'm sure this is a reason for the itch, but I think it's also because the Body gets lazy about its spiritual condition. They have somehow have set God aside as they make the yearly school switch. I would argue that we, as individuals in the Body, should be very diligent about our walks in August to give us the peace we need to help shuffle our kidlets back into school.
Anyone else get the "August Itch"?

All Is Right in the World

The kids made it home late Wednesday night (around midnight). I felt my daughter climb into bed and put her arms around me and in my half awake state I felt at peace, knowing I was back to mothering. It was a little disconcerting to go back to doing 3 tasks at the same time...I'm not whining since I was tired of having no demands placed on me over the last week.





I don't think I mentioned this, but God has given us a month's worth of a break from our normal strivings. Finances have actually been more than bargained for this month (no daily wondering if we can buy gas) and all four of us have been able to do infinately fun activities. I love it when He answers yes!



It seems like we, as believers, have had a history of discounting the physical body as a positive part of His plan for us. I'm currently reading "The Female Brain" by Louann Brizendine; she gives factual account of the hormonal shifts that happen in the brain throughout a woman's life. She also lists the way that the male and female brain grow differently starting at eight weeks from conception. It seems like we fight and deny those physical parts of us when we ought to strive to understand and embrace them. Take PMS...it happens and I think we should try to understand the physical part of that and not chalk it all up to unexplainable things.
I'm not explaining this well, am I? Thoughts?

Bleached Bees, Salted Slugs and Copulating Frogs?

I have reached my kid-free limit!!! As of yesterday I had a major hankering to have my munchkins back! What did I do yesterday? The title says it all.

My garden has been riddled with holes and I finally flushed the 20 slugs out yesterday. Mind you, I've never actually done the salt trick before and it was interesting to watch. I piled them up and dumped it on them!! I had a small moment of regret when it looked like one of the slugs was silently screaming.

While hanging clothes on the clothesline yesterday I discovered that yellowjackets inhabit one end of it. Nasty looking SOB's!!! They looked ready to eat my face every time I walked by the clothesline...so I grabbed a bottle of bleach, sprayed and ran!!! I'm slowly taking them out and then I have to remove the nest.

Okay, the "Copulating Frogs." I spotted these in the Nicaraguan market last year and a girl on our team bought them for a "Worst Foreign Souvenir" competition. I have been coveting those frogs since last year. So a dear friend of mine unsuspectingly agreed to purchase them...she was very embarrassed when she realized what they were. The best part? She gave them to me at the church Tea Party. Nothing says good manners like frog statues.

What am I going to do with them??? If you're not careful I may give them to you!

Living it Up, Mother/Wife Style

Thank you to everyone who told me about their fantasy alone time...seems pretty consistent across the board. (Lots o' reading people!) And read is what I have done...normally my book count is one every two days...but I'm ripping through a book a day, just like I did in jr. high! Best book so far would hands down be "The Time Travler's Wife". I was crying so hard at midnight last night when I finished this great novel!

That leads me to the next plus of alone time. I slept in until 11:30...people I haven't done that since a Saturday sometime in high school! I don't even get to do that when I'm sick!
I've gone to a tea party for my church and shaved parts of my anatomy that haven't been shaved in many moons. I've gone to the chiropractor AND this amazing place where you can get a 35 minute heated massage for free (some of you may remember me working there). Denver is having free days at the DAM (Denver Art Museum) and the Botanical Gardens...so, I will be experiencing both of those for the first time. I've lived here 6 years and haven't done most of the cool things around town. The big thang is that I am going to the new "Harry Potter" movie on Sunday. Eeeee! I'm as happy as a little school girl!

Here's a link to the massage bed chain...they're free all over the country (check for Canadian locations) www.migunworld.com
And finally for your afternoon enjoyment (I know it was mine)...the best play doh and toy recreation of a mammogram ever! http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alittlepregnant/

What Would You Do?

I am feeling really ADD today because I am kidless for a week!! They are in MT spending time with their grandparents. There are so many things I can think of to do that I'm feeling overwhelmed by the freedom of it all.
How do I use it well and what would YOU do with 7 days of freedom?

Up in the Air

Not a lot of time to sit and chat lately, my parents came for a brief visit at the same time as my husband and daughter's return from Nicaragua. Much fun was had by all while my parents were here. We went to an old school amusement park and I was delighted to find that my kids are terrified by nothing!

We ate some quality Mexican food and played "Speed Scrabble". I am so glad that their visit went so well since it's been 3 years since my dad has been here for a visit!

My hubby's mom also loving paid for us to get an air conditioner. I didn't know how good the timing was until my son was burning up with fever the same night we got the A/C. He was much more comfortable dozing on the couch.

All that leads me up to today. Son still has a fever, but insists that we still head to MT tomorrow. The kids are spending their annual week with J's mom. They get to see Jack and Mae (a horse and donkey) and no measly 102 degree fever will deter my son.

Stay tuned people!

And I Quote...

I got this out of a fiction work of decidly non-Christian nature. I read it through once and dismissed it...then I read it again:

"America has invested her religion as well as her morality in sound income-paying securities. She has adopted the unassailable position of a nation blessed because it deserves to blessed; and her sons, whatever other theologies they may affect or disregard, subscribe unreservedly to this national creed."

- Agnes Repplier, Times and Tendencies

What a great way of saying how I feel so much of the time about our state as American Christians. What happens to all those believers when the U.S. has something bring it down to a lower level on the world stage??? Nowhere in history has a country stayed on top forever! Eventually, my fellow Americans, there will be a country doing better than ours. I'm sure the Romans never saw the end of their Empire coming.

How can I as much as is up to me, separate God from my American mindset? Some days I do that better than others. Then I get caught up in the ability to eat out, or go to The Body Shop and buy lotion on sale. Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless! (I mean that in the nicest way possible)

Thoughts or opinions, dear readers?

Poor, poor Second Child

I feel a little sad admitting this, but I feel like I've never looked at my son the way I've been looking at him the last couple of days.

My hubby and daughter left here on Wednesday, so I have had three days of treating him as the only child who needs attention. He's thriving under all of the individual attention...and I'm seeing him for just him.

I think God knew I needed this time with him to reiterate His desire for me to keep him home next year. I went through the whole tug of war with sending him to 2 years of preschool because his sister had that opportunity. Now I'll be giving him a different opportunity, to be seen as himself. Thank You for this insight.

Guilty TV Pleasure

The TV station "Bravo" used to get a big, fat "Pfffff!" from me...UNTIL we went nomadic and they started airing "Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-List". So funny! Also, they've got "Top Chef" and just started in on "Last Comic Standing".

I think what my viewing choices say about me is that I like colorful comedy.

I suppose that's what my Top 5 Comedy List says about me too:
1. Austin Powers (all 3 of them)
2. Jackass 1&2
3. Borat
4. Mystery Men
5. Ace Ventura 1&2

Can I get a "whoop, whoop" from all those sisters who have the funny bone of a man!

Won't Do it

So, I'm grouchy. (See, my daughter's face...totally captures my emotions...I'd rather have my son's expression!)

I refuse to post when I'm like this!

Life is stressful, blah, blah, no money, blah, blah, spouse and child attempting to get to Nicaragua AGAIN this week (that's right, they didn't make it last week.), blah, blah, blah, BLAH!
I love how I'm such a whiner when there are people who are starving and who have to watch their loved ones die slow and painful deaths around them. Way to go American Whiner!

The Sendoff

My dear hubby and my sweet girl are heading off to Nicaragua tomorrow. They will be visiting our worship pastor and his family who are there encouraging the "glue boys" and families who live in the dump.

I feel at peace about them going, but this is the hardest for me that we've ever done. Every trip in the past I've been with my kids overseas or they've been stateside in the care of family. Now I'm setting her in His hands and have no ability to step in and help her along. There are big bugs, malaria and all sorts of things that could hurt my child! I think my poor husband thinks I consider him incapable. He's more than capable...this nervousness is all a part of my growth.

I'm asking y'all for prayer for them, for safety and growth in their relationship. Pray that I take this time with my son and use it to encourage him as an individual.

Oh Man, Tagged!

I feel so special...I've been around the blogging scene long enough to have been tagged. So, here it goes:

What were you doing 10 years ago? Pfh, being a brainless high school freshman

What were you doing 1 year ago? Getting hives because we were nomadic and were living with different people every 3 weeks.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Lightly buttered popcorn...preferrably a whole bad just for me.
2. Cadbury Creme Eggs (right Trish?)
3. Tortilla chips w/melted cheddar cheese, salsa and guacamole
4. A cup of tea
5. Raspberries, blueberries, any berries!

Five songs that you know all the lyrics:
1. Love Potion No. 9
2. Jennifer Knapp's first album "Kansas"
3. Most Ace of Base songs
4. "Share the Well" by Caedmon's Call
5. "Hands" by Jewel

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Go to college for as long as I wanted
2. Get a lifetime membership to 24 Hour fitness
3. Buy a cabin w/ land in Montana
4. Fully support our church and all its missionaries
5. Shop at Whole Foods for everything!!

Five bad habits:
1. (Can't believe I'm admitting it) picking my nose
2. Making my kids wait for things hoping they'll forget they asked for them. (Great example I am!)
3. Burping loudly (Hey, it's inherited)
4. Doubting God when the going gets rough
5. Swearing (bad habit or guilty pleasure, you be the judge!)

Five things you like doing:
1. Reading
2. Playing guitar
3. Escaping to open space alone
4. Cooking new dishes
5. Watching good movies

Five things you would never wear again:
1. bangs
2. straight leg pants
3. skin tight patterned shirts
4. bicycle shorts
5. Neon colors

Five favorite toys:
1. Gamecube (I am a video game junkie)
2. library card
3. Jason
4. computer
5. My kids because they cause me to stretch and relax sometimes

I'm not tagging anyone cause I'm just no good at it...so, the buck stops here.

@#*j& !!!!!

Having one of those days when I feel like swearing about every little thing. A day when (if I had the ears who'd listen) I would whine about things that I'll feel silly about mentioning tomorrow when He solves it.
(Warning: Mild swearing)

Damn scooter that breaks on the way home from church forcing my spouse to walk it home and almost miss work

Damn white car with 1 slowly flattening tire, one bulging tire and one realignment needing done.

Damn finances that has us at a grand total of $5.00 for the forseeable future.

Like I said, all things that I'll feel silly whining about later AND feeling a little ashamed for how typically American my whining is.

File Under...

...Things You Never Want To Hear Kids Say (Again)

While playing video games with my 3 yr old son:

"Mom?"

"Yes son?"

"I like your butt."

"Uh...really."

"Yeah...when it's moving...in your pants."

Talk about your weird conversation! I think it's probably just because that's his eye level...kinda made me laugh.

At a local VBS this morning said by my 5 yr old daughter.

Speaker: "And if you accept Jesus in your heart, when you die you will go to heaven."

Ruth stands up in the front row and happily shouts, "Then I want to DIE TODAY!!!"

Oh, my kids.

Awake, O Sleeper

I've become addicted to prayer on Tuesdays. A friend and I started meeting nearly every week last year to pray and talk about deep stuff for a couple hours. I think I've developed some spiritual discipline without even trying because I get this overwhelming need to pray with someone on Tuesdays! So, since I'm in B-town, when my sis brought me coffee this morning I didn't give her a choice of praying or not.

The passage from James 1:22-24 will not let go of me: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says! Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.
Have you ever really studied your face in the mirror...I always start to get a little creeped out because I start to wonder if I really know that person. That person is reality in the flesh...and yet if I don't look at my face I can very easily forget how quickly my expressions can turn into something I ignore. If I more conscientously thought about what looks flitted across my face in a day I would understand myself much better. When I make those expressions in the mirror I acknowledge them (good and bad).
So, all this to say, I'm awake to my Self (the one He's created) today. I don't know how long I will acknowledge His world instead of mine, but I'm hoping for all day long baby!

P.S. Heather of England please e-mail me or leave me a comment to know how to get to your blog. I'm praying for you :0)

The Path of Least Resistance

I'm in B-town for a week, spending time with my parents, my in-laws, my sister. As I drive around in Clifford the Big Red Car, I wonder how long it will take me to wear Golden, Colorado like I can still wear B-town. The level of ease that I feel slipping into places in this town is magic. In Golden, I still struggle to feel that level of comfort walking the 3 blocks to the park.

Being here always brings up issues of regression for me. Parts of the adult me seem to slip imperceptibly into the back ground without me realizing their missing. Are parts of me only around in Colorado, my own turf??? Such a strange thing to to watch your Self flow with your surroundings. Makes me VERY glad that God allows me to see Him in the same way whether here in B-town or in Golden.

Highly recommend the book listed below...it speaks to the intricacies of the brain and the physical world.

Crashing Through: A True Story of Risk, Adventure, and the Man Who Dared to SeeBy Robert Kurson

Funny enough to share

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYdD-Qc7lbY

Horrormones

Darn this body I've been given! It's all wacky right now for no reason (other than stress) for it to not be normal.
I'm having a couple of weeks of the double whammy (the crazy hormones+ LIFE= chest pains/panic attack). The car is on the fritz and we're under the financial gun, which is just a normal week.
But I'm not sitting with Him.
How much that makes a difference! Funny how you can encourage others to do exactly what you yourself are not doing. That's me this week. Ignoring His wisdom and sitting with my horrormones.

Update

BTW: Jason did make it home on Thursday and took a sick day. We are still floating because God is bigger than the boogeyman!

Baby Lust

NO, not me! My sweet 3 yr. old son would really like to conceive. He is playing in imaginary scenarios with animals (normal), but their all babies!!!

Baby fish, baby Ariel (don't ask), baby gum (I know it's not an animal). I asked him what you do with baby fish: "You don't eat them!"
with baby Ariel: "She needs to ride on Rocket."
with baby gum: " You chew her gentle!"

Oh, of course! silly me

Hive Worthy

God doesn't feel big enough this week...couple of meltdowns, but the worst that can happen is that we can't eat or pay our bills. Funny how these things don't seem like that big of a deal anymore. I've been in the fine blade of squeaking by that I certainly live it better than I did.
But today it's killing me. Always harder when I can't sit in it with Jason. He's discouraged because he's stuck in D.C. tonight and will be late for work tomorrow. Once again, the worst that can happen is that he'll lose his job. Once again, that doesn't even feel close to the end of the world.
A worker friend of our sent out a prayer request..the police are demanding $5,000 dollars in the next ten days or they (a family of 6) will be deported and their property siezed. Given the harrassment that believers are getting in Turkey right now, my problems really seem small.
When you're a believer, things can be tough, but they can really never knock you out. Cause even in death you're better off.

Heaven

Driving in the car yesterday, my 5 yr old daughter wanted to talk about heaven. Of course I explained that it would be a great place with no bad feelings and no pain.

Ruth: "And I could play with my friends all the time??"

Me: "Probably, maybe you could fly!!"

Ruth: "Whoa! (Pause) So, that means in heaven you'll get a babysitter and get to do whatever you want?"

Me: (wistful) "Yup"

Let me also add that Ruth LOVES their babysitter. She's the neighborhood Mary Poppins!

Friggin Planes

Jason is flying for Morocco as I type. We felt that the timing was good for him to visit our friends there. Here's the kicker: he couldn't leave yesterday...God held him back. Leaving yesterday would've given Jason 2 instead of 1 day with our friends, but we both felt physically sick at the thought of him hopping on a flight yesterday. We didn't feel a peace about him not taking this trip or about going. Thankfully God solved that by giving him a green light today.
So, what would've happened if we'd ignored the dread we felt yesterday and Jason had flown???
Part of me wishes I could know...part of me is glad I have no idea!!
That's my most constant irritation with this life. That God will often lead us down the road, but we're rarely shown what's ahead. Can't wait to be on the other side of this life and be able to see the flow of the world.

Oh Turkiye

Many of you know the heart we have for Turkey. On the way home from China I noticed a blurb on CNN that 3 missionaries in Turkey had their throats slit. Since that time our friends in the field have filled in all the national news doesn't care about.
Sometimes I get lazy in thinking that Turkey will be an easy place to be, then I remember how dark it is there.

*Warning* The following e-mail has a very graphic description of these 3 men being martyred*

Dear friends,
This past week has been filled with much sorrow. Many of you have heard by now of our devastating loss here in an event that took place in Malatya, a Turkish province 300 miles northeast of Antioch, the city where believers were first called Christians (Acts 11:26).

On Wednesday morning, April 18, 2007, 46 year old German missionary and father of three Tilman Geske prepared to go to his office, kissing his wife goodbye taking a moment to hug his son and give him the priceless memory, “Goodbye, son. I love you.”

Tilman rented an office space from Zirve Publishing where he was preparing notes for the new Turkish Study Bible. Zirve was also the location of the Malatya Evangelist Church office. A ministry of the church, Zirve prints and distributes Christian literature to Malatya and nearby cities in Eastern Turkey. In another area of town, 35 year old Pastor Necati Aydin, father of two, said goodbye to his wife, leaving for the office as well. They had a morning Bible Study and prayer meeting that some other believers in town would also be attending. Ugur Yuksel likewise made his way to the Bible study.

None of these three men knew that what awaited them at the Bible study was the ultimate testing and application of their faith, which would conclude with their entrance into glory to receive their crown of righteousness from Christ and honor from all the saints awaiting them in the Lord’s presence.

On the other side of town, ten young men all under 20 years old put into place final arrangements for their ultimate act of faith, living out their love for Allah and hatred of infidels who they felt undermined Islam.

On Resurrection Sunday, five of these men had been to a by-invitation-only evangelistic service that Pastor Necati and his men had arranged at a hotel conference room in the city. The men were known to the believers as “seekers.” No one knows what happened in the hearts of those men as they listened to the gospel. Were they touched by the Holy Spirit? Were they convicted of sin? Did they hear the gospel in their heart of hearts? Today we only have the beginning of their story.

These young men, one of whom is the son of a mayor in the Province of Malatya, are part of a tarikat, or a group of “faithful believers” in Islam. Tarikat membership is highly respected here; it’s like a fraternity membership. In fact, it is said that no one can get into public office without membership in a tarikat. These young men all lived in the same dorm, all preparing for university entrance exams.

The young men got guns, breadknives, ropes and towels ready for their final act of service to Allah. They knew there would be a lot of blood. They arrived in time for the Bible Study, around 10 o’clock.

They arrived, and apparently the Bible Study began. Reportedly, after Necati read a chapter from the Bible the assault began. The boys tied Ugur, Necati, and Tilman’s hands and feet to chairs and as they videoed their work on their cellphones, they tortured our brothers for almost three hours*

[Details of the torture--
* Tilman was stabbed 156 times, Necati 99 times and Ugur’s stabs were too numerous to count. They were disemboweled, and their intestines sliced up in front of their eyes. They were emasculated and watched as those body parts were destroyed. Fingers were chopped off, their noses and mouths and anuses were sliced open. Possibly the worst part was watching as their brothers were likewise tortured. Finally, their throats were sliced from ear to ear, heads practically decapitated.]

Neighbors in workplaces near the printhouse said later they had heard yelling, but assumed the owners were having a domestic argument so they did not respond.

Meanwhile, another believer Gokhan and his wife had a leisurely morning. He slept in till 10, ate a long breakfast and finally around 12:30 he and his wife arrived at the office. The door was locked from the inside, and his key would not work. He phoned and though it had connection on his end he did not hear the phone ringing inside. He called cell phones of his brothers and finally Ugur answered his phone. “We are not at the office. Go to the hotel meeting. We are there. We will come there,” he said cryptically. As Ugur spoke Gokhan heard in the telephone’s background weeping and a strange snarling sound.

He phoned the police, and the nearest officer arrived in about five minutes. He pounded on the door, “Police, open up!” Initially the officer thought it was a domestic disturbance. At that point they heard another snarl and a gurgling moan. The police understood that sound as human suffering, prepared the clip in his gun and tried over and over again to burst through the door. One of the frightened assailants unlocked the door for the policeman, who entered to find a grisly scene.

Tilman and Necati had been slaughtered, practically decapitated with their necks slit from ear to ear. Ugur’s throat was likewise slit and he was barely alive.

Three assailants in front of the policeman dropped their weapons.

Meanwhile Gokhan heard a sound of yelling in the street. Someone had fallen from their third story office. Running down, he found a man on the ground, whom he later recognized, named Emre Gunaydin. He had massive head trauma and, strangely, was snarling. He had tried to climb down the drainpipe to escape, and losing his balance had plummeted to the ground. It seems that he was the main leader of the attackers. Another assailant was found hiding on a lower balcony.

To untangle the web we need to back up six years. In April 2001, the National Security Council of Turkey (Milli Guvenlik Kurulu) began to consider evangelical Christians as a threat to national security, on equal footing as Al Quaida and PKK terrorism. Statements made in the press by political leaders, columnists and commentators have fueled a hatred against missionaries who they claim bribe young people to change their religion.

After that decision in 2001, attacks and threats on churches, pastors and Christians began. Bombings, physical attacks, verbal and written abuse are only some of the ways Christians are being targetted. Most significant is the use of media propaganda.

From December 2005, after having a long meeting regarding the Christian threat, the wife of Former Prime Minister Ecevit, historian Ilber Ortayli, Professor Hasan Unsal, Politician Ahmet Tan and writer/propogandist Aytunc Altindal, each in their own profession began a campaign to bring the public’s attention to the looming threat of Christians who sought to “buy their children’s souls”. Hidden cameras in churches have taken church service footage and used it sensationally to promote fear and antagonism toward Christianity.

In an official televised response from Ankara, the Interior Minister of Turkey smirked as he spoke of the attacks on our brothers. Amid public outrage and protests against the event and in favor of freedom of religion and freedom of thought, media and official comments ring with the same message, “We hope you have learned your lesson. We do not want Christians here.”

It appears that this was an organized attack initiated by an unknown adult tarikat leader. As in the Hrant Dink murder in January 2007, and a Catholic priest Andrea Santoro in February 2006, minors are being used to commit religious murders because public sympathy for youth is strong and they face lower penalties than an adult convicted of the same crime. Even the parents of these children are in favor of the acts. The mother of the 16 year old boy who killed the Catholic priest Andrea Santoro looked at the cameras as her son was going to prison and said, “he will serve time for Allah.”

The young men involved in the killing are currently in custody. Today news reported that they would be tried as terrorists, so their age would not affect the strict penalty. Assailant Emre Gunaydin is still in intensive care. The investigation centers around him and his contacts and they say will fall apart if he does not recover.

The Church in Turkey responded in a way that honored God as hundreds of believers and dozens of pastors flew in as fast as they could to stand by the small church of Malatya and encourage the believers, take care of legal issues, and represent Christians to the media.

When Susanne Tilman expressed her wish to bury her husband in Malatya, the Governor tried to stop it, and when he realized he could not stop it, a rumor was spread that “it is a sin to dig a grave for a Christian.” In the end, in an undertaking that should be remembered in Christian history forever, the men from the church in Adana (near Tarsus), grabbed shovels and dug a grave for their slain brother in an un-tended hundred year old Armenian graveyard.

Ugur was buried by his family in an Alevi Muslim ceremony in his hometown of Elazig, his believing fiance watching from the shadows as his family and friends refused to accept in death the faith Ugur had so long professed and died for.

Necati’s funeral took place in his hometown of Izmir, the city where he came to faith. The darkness does not understand the light. Though the churches expressed their forgiveness for the event, Christians were not to be trusted. Before they would load the coffin onto the plane from Malatya, it went through two separate xray exams to make sure it was not loaded with explosives. This is not a usual procedure for Muslim coffins.

Necati’s funeral was a beautiful event. Like a glimpse of heaven, thousands of Turkish Christians and missionaries came to show their love for Christ, and their honor for this man chosen to die for Christ. Necati’s wife Shemsa told the world, “His death was full of meaning, because he died for Christ and he lived for Christ… Necati was a gift from God. I feel honored that he was in my life, I feel crowned with honor. I want to be worthy of that honor.”

Boldly the believers took their stand at Necati’s funeral, facing the risks of being seen publicly and likewise becoming targets. As expected, the anti-terror police attended and videotaped everyone attending the funeral for their future use. The service took place outside at Buca Baptist church, and he was buried in a small Christian graveyard in the outskirts of Izmir.

Two assistant Governors of Izmir were there solemnly watching the event from the front row. Dozens of news agencies were there documenting the events with live news and photographs. Who knows the impact the funeral had on those watching? This is the beginning of their story as well. Pray for them.

In an act that hit front pages in the largest newspapers in Turkey, Susanne Tilman in a television interview expressed her forgiveness. She did not want revenge, she told reporters. “Oh God, forgive them for they know not what they do,” she said, wholeheartedly agreeing with the words of Christ on Calvary (Luke 23:34).

In a country where blood-for-blood revenge is as normal as breathing, many many reports have come to the attention of the church of how this comment of Susanne Tilman has changed lives. One columnist wrote of her comment, “She said in one sentence what 1000 missionaries in 1000 years could never do.”

The missionaries in Malatya will most likely move out, as their families and children have become publicly identified as targets to the hostile city. The remaining 10 believers are in hiding. What will happen to this church, this light in the darkness? Most likely it will go underground. Pray for wisdom, that Turkish brothers from other cities will go to lead the leaderless church. Should we not be concerned for that great city of Malatya, a city that does not know what it is doing? (Jonah 4:11)

When our Pastor Fikret Bocek went with a brother to give a statement to the Security Directorate on Monday they were ushered into the Anti-Terror Department. On the wall was a huge chart covering the whole wall listing all the terrorist cells in Izmir, categorized. In one prominent column were listed all the evangelical churches in Izmir. The darkness does not understand the light. “These that have turned the world upside down are come hither also.” (Acts 17:6)

Please pray for the Church in Turkey. “Don’t pray against persecution, pray for perseverence,” urges Pastor Fikret Bocek.

The Church is better having lost our brothers; the fruit in our lives, the renewed faith, the burning desire to spread the gospel to quench more darkness in Malatya …all these are not to be regretted. Pray that we stand strong against external opposition and especially pray that we stand strong against internal struggles with sin, our true debilitating weakness.

This we know. Christ Jesus was there when our brothers were giving their lives for Him. He was there, like He was when Stephen was being stoned in the sight of Saul of Tarsus.

Someday the video of the deaths of our brothers may reveal more to us about the strength that we know Christ gave them to endure their last cross, about the peace the Spirit of God endowed them with to suffer for their beloved Savior. But we know He did not leave their side. We know their minds were full of Scripture strengthening them to endure, as darkness tried to subdue the unsubduable Light of the Gospel. We know, in whatever way they were able, with a look or a word, they encouraged one another to stand strong. We know they knew they would soon be with Christ.

We don’t know the details. We don’t know the kind of justice that will or will not be served on this earth.

But we pray-- and urge you to pray-- that someday at least one of those five boys will come to faith because of the testimony in death of Tilman Geske, who gave his life as a missionary to his beloved Turks, and the testimonies in death of Necati Aydin and Ugur Yuksel, the first martyrs for Christ out of the Turkish Church.

Reported by Darlene N. Bocek (24 April 2007)
-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Please please please pass this on to as many praying Christians as you can, in as many countries as you can. Please always keep the heading as “From the Protestant Church of Smyrna” with this contact information: izmirprotestan@gmail.com // http://www.izmirprotestan.org/

Coming to Terms

Having one of those days when I'm a whiner.

But God, I want to buy more food than just the bare minimum.
I want to take the kids to Pizza Hut.
I want to hire a babysitter so I can go to friend's birthday party.
I want to be able to buy a 2nd/3rd hand bookshelf.
I want to be able to have a savings account.
I want to be able to buy cleaning supplies when I run out.
I want to have medical coverage and not have to hope Medicaid has approved us again.
I want to have the rent money before the due date
But God, I want bills to get paid and not go to collections.

I'm sure many of you will look down this list and probably think, "These don't seem like crazy requests, why can't they have those things??"

Guess it's not the right time and, for as much as I bitch and moan, when I look at my Daddy I know not getting these things right now is okay. There is a bigger picture and I'm looking at it. Thank You for peace and perspective.

Gotta Love the Man

So, Jason is now working the ticket counter now for an airline and is enjoying it. In order to keep people from throwing up their hands leaving their employment, the airline assigns new employees a "mentor". That's fancy talk for someone showing you the ropes.
A couple days ago Jason came home and said that his mentor is from Arizona and "may not be an extreme liberal." (this is apparently a huge accomplishment)
Then, he came home yesterday looking like he'd won the lottery.

"My mentor's either a libertarian or a repulican!!"

Me: "Great, whoopee." (notice my political excitement)

"AND he LICENSES people to carry a CONCEALED weapon!!!"

Me: "Okayyyyy, why is that cool."

"He said he could license me to carry a CONCEALED weapon."

Me: "Um, why would you want to and where would you carry it?"

"I don't know, but I could carry a CONCEALED weapon!"

I don't think he's thought this one through very well though. He will deny it up and down, but the guy looks like he's Middle Eastern. Given the U.S. 's current view of that part of the world, part of me worry's about him. He already gets profiled every time we go overseas.
Apparently this is as close as my dear hubby can get to being as cool as James Bond. Plus now he could walk around downtown with a missile launcher stuck in his pant leg. Pfh! Boys!

Best Frenemies

My kids hit their quintessential day yesterday.
7am-watch cartoons
8am-2pm Play with neighbor kids!!!! Eat at THEIR house!!!!
2pm-5pm Library (not looking @ books mind you, but playing computer games and coloring. Darn these new fangled libraries)
5pm-6pm Park and trying to chase down the ice cream truck!!! (One bummer of the day...we didn't catch it)
6pm-8pm Play with neighbor kids!!!! (Also 2 NEW episodes of Spongebob)
Oh to be young and spend your day as NOT the chauffeur. I marvel at their ability to play with each other and the neighbor kids almost all day and still feel like they could play with them.
I now understand why my mom held me back occasionally from playing at the neighbor's house. See, I thought she was just being mean, but really she and the other mothers were trying to give each other a break. There's always a cool house that the kids will prefer to play in or around most of the time...it's not my house. My house is the lame house, and I'm okay with that.
A full hour of new Spongebob was on last night and I LOVED IT!!! They made fun of "Aliens" and Starbucks all in a 1/2 hour. Can't help it if a yellow sponge has captured my heart!

You Know You're a Mother When...

...the only sunglasses in your car are Roy Orbison clown glasses that are your son's. That being said, you wear them anyway because snow blindness and child rearing don't mix.

Hey kids, it's Poetry Corner!

Long ago I resolved to write a poem a day and did quite well at it for a year. Here are two I'd love to share with you:

January 1999

Caffeine addicts
Are full of spunk.
They act happy,
Their bodies full of junk.

Sometimes their hands start to shake
And their brains begin to quake!
Uncontrollable, they want to dance
Good espresso gives them that chance.

Will they ever stop their craving?
For more beans they are raving!
Never will I join their band,
Though it's spread throughout the land.

(Silly me, thinking I could escape coffee. I'm a happy addict now!)

This next one continues to speak to where I'm sitting.

February 2005

I sit here and try to justify
everything I want to buy.

"I Need this...""It's for our health."
"Life will be easier..."
Do I give from my wealth???

We figure we're Americans,
might as well keep up.
It's only a FEW conveniences
overflowing in my cup.

So I'm pulled from Treasure Above.
Back to my Covetous Cove.

God, why can't I always
think first
Of giving to another's
deep thirst?

Perfection and consistency
lofty goals
Yeshua, please keep them
in front of my nose!

Leaving China

Last day with N, K, and A here in good old China. Last minute bargaining is going on down at the markets and we're going to eat our last chopstick dominated meal. No more lazy susans with 7 different dishes on it. No more nunchuck rap dances, no more diabetic jokes, no more staring at the only foreigners you'll ever see. No more waking up to every and any song whistled from my early years (A is a master whistler). No more ice cream topped coffee from KFC.

Happy to go see my sugared and spoiled kids. Those munchkins have worked the aunt and grandparents over for every whim their sweet little hearts could want. They've been to the circus, McDonalds numerous times, Chuck E. Cheese, the one room schoolhouse, to see Jack and Mae (the coolest horse and donkey ever), and showered with new clothes and shoes. Never mind that their mother will be adding to the mound of gifts as soon as she sees their cute little faces.

See you all stateside!

In China

We're in China at our friends house now. Spent two days in Beijing, which was nearly too much. It's so dirty and polluted! All the doctor's masks I see them wearing now make total sense to me.
Favorite treat so far...peaches and tapioca in a jelly substance.
A lot of these places remind me of Las Vegas, just because of all the flashy signs and large billboards. We're now in a small city of "only one or two million". Going to a lecture on Easter today which will be hysterical!
Least fav part: The beds that are all box spring and thin foam. Crazy person that I am I brought 5 (count 'em people, FIVE) pillows and am using them nightly to sleep comfortably.

Ciao for now!

So much to say

We are in mission's busy season and, of course it's turned into a tough time. I leave with two other women for China tomorrow. Please feel free to shoot me a line in that time because I might try to post while there. Blessings all!!!

Quick Request!

Lift my hubby up tonight...he's trying to fly to Amsterdam & back by Sunday (to help out a friend) and flights aren't cooperating. Pray for Godly focus and peace over their delayed flights!

Da Mono

So, I've got mono...and 2 weeks until I ride on planes for a day or two. I'm also having the hardest time sitting down and taking care of myself. Glad to find out that there's nothing a doc could give me to fix it since we don't have medical coverage at the moment. I'm not sure I've been this concerned about my physical well-being ever, but I can't stop my world to sleep more.

I miss Nicaragua, we had a team come back from a 2 week stint there last week and I cried every time they talked about the Glue Boys. I love those little huffers so much and want so badly to go lift them out of their haze for a couple days and show them what kids should have to do. Also, seeing the girls back from Thailand makes me miss being there and building gingerbread houses with college students.

I think I sometimes wonder if missions is only my hubby's calling, but then I think of any place that I've been and I feel my heart sing longingly for the wonder of those places.

And, wonder of wonders, a couple is now going to our church who has Turkish in-laws. To find others with a heart for that place excites me so much! Seni sevi orum Turkiye!

This May Mean You

I and two others from church are leaving April 2nd to visit friends in China. We are going to deliver Easter eggs so that they can explain the religious and secular aspects of the holiday to their students. Here's the deal, we're fundraising and I don't have many avenues for funding.
About 15 minutes ago, God impressed upon my heart to post my request on my blogs. So, there may be those of you out there who are supposed to support us through prayer or finances. If you feel led to pray we will be gone April 2nd-April 13th.
If you would like to contribute financially you can send a check made out to Hillside Community Church and write "Sara's China trip" in the memo line.
Here's the address to send it to:
Hillside Community Church
103 N. Ford St.
Golden, CO 80403
Please e-mail or comment with questions!

TV Disappointment

I just have to comment on tonight's "Grey's Anatomy". Good one, but it seems that after they pulled off an amazing episode last week, there was nowhere to go but down. As for George and Izzy possibly beginning the downfall of George and Kali...that's just wrong!!
Please, for love of Pete, give me one happy couple to enjoy on this show or I shall have to dump you! Introduce a new character or something!
And where was Bailey in this episode? She adds substance and common sense to the enjoyable madhouse.
I really don't see how they can keep it good. Their writers have brilliant moments, but you need some substance to have a show stand! Look at "Friends" :0)

Corinthians and the Family Team

First things first, my long absence has a good explanation. I'm leaving for China in 3 weeks...I've been attacked spiritually, emotionally and physically the last couple of weeks. The funny things is that I seem to forget that that is ALWAYS what happens leading up to these trips. Freakin absent long-term memory! If you think of it, lift me up to the Father.

I am, by nature, a person who enjoys kids. I think they're fun, but I am not big on the title of mother. As a result I fought the stereotypes I had of that role for a long time. Over the last year, God has shown me the amazing intricacies of His interaction with humanity through my growing relationship with my 3 and 5 year old.

We have been talking about being a part of God's winning team in church the last couple of weeks and at Bible study our leader asked us to think of other "teams" we're on (the marriageteam, missions team, etc). We talked about our "family teams" and then our leader read 1 Corinthians 12. Something in me clicked as I took that passage and applied it to my family. Oh my gosh, my kids are an essential part of this family body!

So often it's easy for me to go into "lady of the house" mode and treat my kiddos as peons. What a perversion of the vision that He has for our families! I already feel a great appreciation for all the examples and words of truth my kids have spoken to me ("Mommy, you hurt my feelings!"). My daughter has taken a great interest in laying hands on people when praying for their physical ailments. How dare I look down on whatever God is teaching her at her present age. So, here I stand, convicted of how I have discounted my kids as add-ons or ignorant peons when their presence in our family is part of the Divine design.

Thank You

Thank you Lanell for loving me and our differences.

Thank you Bink for being everything and more I could want in a sister.

Thank you LOPW for bringing me such great and encouraging women like SuperMom and Robinznest...who knew that blogging was such a blessing and uplifting endeavor!

Thank you Kari for being a kindred spirit and for sitting with me every Tuesday and petitioning the Father.

Prayer was so good today...there seemed to be a fervent and effervescent energy to our conversation with Him today. Mashallah Isa!

One of those Days...

...when I wonder if everyone thinks my Self/ personality sucks. One of those where I'm not confident that I'm okay as me. One of those days when you crawl under a rock and lick your insecure wounds. Blech!

Lesser Addiction?

There are majorly destructive addictions out there and I don't want you to think that I'm making light of those in any way. I feel as though there are some vices that we've glossed over and barely give a second thought. I want to talk specifically about book addiction.

I am a all-around book addict...I was homeschooled until seventh grade and had no friends beyond the kids in my neighborhood and the large stack of books I had in my house. I often hid from my sheltered life in the magical possibilities of "Half-Magic", "Nancy Drew" and "Five Children and It". I read the entire Chronicles of Narnia 11 times during my childhood!! I think the drawback of all my "book learnin" was that I had a hard time integrating into social interaction because books were so much easier to interact with.

Move on to my adult life as a wife and mom. I find that my spiritual and emotional life is affected by what books I let my brain digest. I will go on fiction binges and then wonder why I feel so disconnected from God and my family. I have also become a non-fiction lover. I will find a subject of interest ( Saudi Arabian history, reading body language, history of popular food) and exhaust the library's inventory of the subject.

A friend and I were discussing the book, "Wicked" and how we both needed to take a break from his writing after that book. Obviously it's having an impact on our thought life! I read "The Da Vinci Code" a month ago and I had to pick up my Bible after reading a couple chapters, just so my spirit felt right. I have researched church history and the canonization process and so I knew where the truth was bent factually in that book. BUT it still niggled its way into my brain.


How many of you know women who are gluttons of romance novels and, as a result, are unhappy with the way they interact with their spouse?? Or feel fatalistic about life after reading J.D. Salinger? Or have the weight of all the things they could be doing to improve themselves after reading too much self-help.

I know many teenagers who are addicted to music or movie genres. All of these things in and of themselves ARE NOT BAD! But I want us as believers to consider the spiritual aspects of these areas. God can bring the right song or book (both secular and spiritual) into our walk that will cause us to grow into a new understanding of Him.

I must confess for me I have a great book that He brought me to read that I've set aside for fiction. I needed a break to digest some of what I learned, but I've turned it into fictional gluttony...and I'm starting to feel sick on it.

All of this internal living also keeps us from living out His plan for us. A book or phrase may enliven us to move to action and ought to or we've missed the whole point of its ability to uplift us.

The book of James speak of being a "doer of the word" not "merely hearers who delude themselves." James 1:21-25

I may post more along the same line later, but I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Blessings!

Randomness

Um, so I'm full force back into daily life and NOT full force back into being my Self, so I don't have any good blogging to do right now.

Feeling the pain for a couple of friends and siblings lately.

So, in light of my blogging inability, let's poll the audience:

What 2 positive words describe your Self?

For me: Wise and Harmonious

The In-law in Divorced Times

Any of you out there in blog land have too much family living in the same place?? Some of you may not have kids or in-laws yet, but should they live in the same town as your parents this may become a problem.
I hate going home. Mind you, Billings has a soft spot in my heart and I have fond memories there, but it's just gotten too complicated to go back. Here are all the people who vie for our time (which is usually a scant 3-5 days) when we go to B-town.
My grandparents-the wonderful nose squeaking grand-master
My parents-enough reverenting and establishing of new boundaries to last me a lifetime
My sister-the only one I ever REALLY want to see when I'm there
My brother-in-law, his wife and my niece-fun to be around, but I'm still working on having enough to talk about to fill a day's worth of interaction. Luckily, they're very forgiving of my lack of time
Jason's mom- a busy teacher of Hudderite (kinda like Amish) students and also married to someone we try to avoid because of past family drama.
This scenario can also have the third set of grandparents added to the mix, which is enough to cause Jason and I to split up our time there EVERY time we go. I (being a classic avoider of conflict) would simply like to do my own thang, but when you get the almighty GRANDKIDS in B-town everyone wants a piece. Maybe part of my tenseness and avoidance of it all is because it's not really me they want, it's my kids. Maybe as they get older we'll have to split them off to visit different parts of the family...or maybe I should just get it together and be a grownup...Nah!
If y'all have any advice...I'd appreciate it!

What Can I Say?

So, the family vaca was amazing and needed more than we thought. God's gift to me came in the form of space and silence to revel in print a deeper understanding of His plan.
I have never read any book (outside the Bible) that so clearly lays out the relationship between the spiritual, physical and emotional aspects of life. God has clearly given this man great ability to piece together "reality" in such a way that it profoundly affects others. I felt like reading his book is like eating a complex, delicate and rich meal. You need to take each bite in and take your time finishing it. I can only handle a chapter (barely!) at a time...more would blow my spiritual top off!
I'm sure not everyone would get the same level of insight or spiritual sustenance from this book since God designs everyone differently, but I highly recommend this book.

"The Spirit of the Disciplines" by Dallas Willard

Thank You Father for bringing me to this book at such a time for it to work for Your ultimate plan. God, draw my thoughts ever closer to You. Keep me from stuffing myself full of trite books. Amen

The City of M&M World

So, we're jetting off to Las Vegas tomorrow with the kids for a short family vacation. I know that's not everyone's ideal destination, but I'm extremely excited. We've NEVER taken a family vacation...we're always visiting family or going on a mission's trip. But Jason got the time off and Vegas fits our limited fundage.
Ironic that He keeps using Vegas as a destination to display His pleasure at letting us have fun.

Best of Both Worlds

I posted earlier about my daughter's increasing vocabulary and I got a couple e-mail's asking me what the words were. Mind you, unless you have/know a 5 year old these words may not seem very impressive:
-hypnotize
-frustrate
-worth
-ridiculous
Also, let me add that while I'm very nerdy in my vocabulary I also have a swearing problem. Jason used to stare at me in horror our first year of marriage as he heard the f-bomb more times than any husband ought to.
My folks were the parents that wouldn't let us say "butt", so once I was married I let the four-letters words fly in celebration of my new-found freedom. It was all very fun to swear like a sailor until sweet Ruth started saying "Shit" at 1 1/2. I laughed loudly the first time she said it(even swearing is cute at that age), and realized too late that I'd made her think good comedy was wrapped up in "shit". We cured her of that and have taken the stance of mild words of anger are fine (crap, shoot) and as she gets older I'll give her more freedom. We've also come up with some great inside insults. Ruth and Caedmon "Eeny, Meany, Miney, Mo" each other and then open their eyes and point at the person and say, "You're a nutbag mustachio!" Nothing like a little "nutbag mustachio" to start the day off right!

So, there ya go!

Okay folksies
Here's my opinion on all the TV shows I'm watching:

Heroes: This is my favorite show right now, bar none! It speaks of the hope of a world as well as the desire of each man's heart...to realize he's unique and has a specifice purpose. I've never really read comics, but I do enjoy me some good fantasy, and this does it.

House: Yes, we all know Hugh Laurie is brilliantly sarcastic, but they need to branch out somehow script-wise. I know they tried with the cop busting House, but they made the whole run a complete joke by letting NOTHING change...to House or anyone he works with. This show may well be on its way out for me.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: I'm not quite sure why I'm sticking with this one...I find just enough quirks in it to make me keep coming back. I'm also interested to see how well a show does with a "Christian" (I use that in the broadest sense) as a main character. I'm expecting to be disappointed

CSI: I love medical shows and grew up under my dad a hunter...so, dead things fascinate me. The show has had a pretty consistent run and I find the calm pastoral attitude of Grissom very comforting to watch. BUT, they've taken him out of the picture for a couple of episodes and I'm not sure they've built up the rest of the cast enough to carry it. To be continued...
Desperate Housewives: Really ought to be renamed to "Desperate Scriptwriters"! The plot has gotten more sordid and plain ridiculous the longer the show is running. I'm sure some VH1 special will someday call this show our generation's "Dynasty" The first season had some depth to it and had something to say about humanity as a whole (I think this is why "Grey's" and "Heroes" are so successful). Give us more time with the Scavos and let Gabi and Carlos get back together.

Grey's Anatomy: Like I've already said
medical + statement about the human condition= awesome show!
I agree with everyone who got tired of meredith and darrick and I think the writers did a superb job of getting the focus off of them and keeping the same level of interest in the rest of the cast. I'm a little concerned that they won't be able to maintain this level of goodness for more than a season more.

So, there's my roundup (as if you care), thoughts????

Are Big Words Genetic?

I've started to realize that my 5 yr old daughter is frequently using unusually lofty words for her age...so, my question is, is a propensity for "fancy talk" (thanks Patrick Star) genetic? I've been told since my 2 kiddos were born that they were both very articulate for their age. Most of my friends assume I read to them a lot and that's the reason for the vocabulary...but I don't!! I try to read to them, but it doesn't happen often.
I've always had a dorkily fancy vocabulary because I was a voracious reader as a child (My parents were isolationist homeschoolers...I had no friends). When I entered real school in jr high many of my peers had no idea what I was saying most of the time. I still have my friends and husband look at me strangely sometimes when I talk.

On another note, I've been considering the purposes behind food a lot lately. I have read a couple of great posts on this topic in the LOPW blogroll lately too. Here's the gist of my thoughts:
In regards to food, God has been working on me a lot lately. Why did He create food for us to eat? How do we eat (or not eat) in such a way that honors Him? I have taken to heart too many of societies "dos and donts" in terms of food. There is a healthy way to eat, but consider the story of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abedigo. They ate nothing but veggies and water, while everyone else ate rich (which, back then, wasn't all that bad) food. Logically, the veggie eaters should've been weaker than all the others, but GOD TOLD Daniel to eat veggies and God allowed them to become strong by it. It finally struck me that this is truly a miracle and an instance of God directing ones eating.
God may call me to fast for 2 days. Bodily that may not be the most healthy thing, but it may further my spiritual life.
God may ask me to sit down at an eating contest and compete so that I can start a relationship with another contestant.
He may ask me to eat only a bowl of rice a day, to better understand the plight of people in poor countries.
He may not ever ask me to eat anything other than the "norm". I'm not saying that He will direct a person's every bite, but I think food ought to be looked at in light of Him more often. How do we look at food from His perspective??? I'd love to hear comments from others!!

Quote of the Day

"Aw...stinking me!" (Caedmon cussing at his Monkey Race game)

My Tardiness

Sorry about my internet silence...too much life time for me to post. Also, I don't like to post meaningless prattle (most of the time), so I only want to talk if I have something to say.
It's looking like my friend and I might be headed to China in April to deliver Easter eggs to Chinese students. I'm way psyched! I told my friend it's my training for "Amazing Race", which I would love to be on, but I can't talk anybody else into doing it!
Caedmon is amazingly good kid who has had 2 intensely bad temper tantrums in the last week. Both of them were hour long hysterics with nothing in sight that could comfort him. Not to toot my own horn, but I've come a long way with mothering. I rarely get pissed off or yell at my kiddos anymore. I chalk it up to God working on my mothering skills a whole lot over the last 5 years. Hopefully Ruth blocked out a lot of my "Bitchy Mom" moments from her early years.

The Quickie

Here's a great commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvxezxJDZmE

Here's a pastor's wife who's had some great posts on her blog lately and some very relevant discussion: http://supermom56.blogspot.com/

Quote of the Day

"It's no fair YOU get to be executed!!!" -Ruth (5yrs old)

A brilliant man once said...

I'm reading another amazing book that's hitting me right in the gut. The author himself has some great quotes, but he included some good ones as well. So, here they are:
"A more reasonable estimate of human costs and values will lead us to think that no labour is better expended than that which explores the way to the treasure-houses of the spirit, and shows mankind where to find those goods which are increased by being shared, and which none can take from us." -William Inge

I couldn't agree more...this is my deepest desire in my daily walk.

Here's the book I'm reading- The Spirit of the Disciplines by Dallas Willard

Quote from Martin Luther (the Reformer)

I found this passage to be highly encouraging from the old Reformer.

"Again I saw great, thick clouds roll above us, so heavy they looked like great seas, and I saw no ground on which they could rest nor any barrels to hold them and yet they fell not on us, but threatened us and floated on. When they passed by, the rainbow shone forth, the rainbow which was the floor that held them up...But some people look at the thickness of the clouds and the thinness of the ray, and they fear and worry. They would like to feel how strong the rainbow is, and when they cannot do so they think the clouds will bring another deluge."

What if...

...we all lived up to the person He desires us to be??? I've spent a lot of time reading biographies of Christians throughout history. My first thought used to be one of jealousy that these people had been blessed so much. Now I read of their lives and see each as the ordinary human that they are. BUT...they choose to do things that God asks them to do in spite of earthly common sense.
The Church would be mightily shaken if any generation could catch the vision (first as individuals, then corporately) of who He calls us to be. I look around at my church body that desperately is trying to come closer to its calling. But we the people keep wanting one pat answer that will get us all there in the same way.
My own struggle in the past has been feeling the need to do "safe" Christianity for the sake of my kids. Surely God needs them to see legalistic and scheduled belief so that they know who He is. Ha! This Christmas season was littered with us listening to God. I traveled to Thailand for 8 days by myself last week. I missed Ruth's birthday and she missed school. My kids were sent to the grandpartents house. And because of a freak Denver snow storm we almost didn't get home to Jason for Christmas. And yet:
-my kids were loved and adored by grandparents
-my daughter was thrown 3 separate b-day parties
-I learned to trust God that He's bigger than a standby list
-Jason learned that God is bigger than overbooked flights to snowed-in Denver
-my kids are great buddies since most things (excluding family) are so transient
Christmas had the correct focus of praise and awe of our amazing God because of the illogical (but Spirit-led) choice of sending me to Thailand.
Sisters and brothers let me tell you flying standby to Bangkok is a harrowing experience. I needed to make it onto 7 separate overbooked flights to make it there and back to Denver. God got me on EVERY SINGLE FLIGHT. Including a flight through Hawaii that had many holiday flyers. Praise God for who He is. I'm so overwhelmed with Him and His faithfulness, AMEN!!!

Thailand

I'm sure you're expecting some wonderful post about some interesting aspect of a foreign culture...too bad. I'm a little disheartened at the moment discovering how infinately freaked out I am about traveling alone. I'm sure it wouldn't be quite so nerve-wracking if I wasn't flying around the world STANDBY. God's amazing and has gotten me on every plane here and hopefully every plane back. Still, it's enough to mess with my head. I'll post more when I get back stateside.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." (Anyone know who said that?)

I Love my Life

So....

I'm leaving for Thailand on Thursday.I know! We're crazy! I'm blown away by the infinite contuously perfect Timing going on.

Fact #1

My weekend away totally refocused me and has kept me on a road of good (laid back), enshallah timing. It's no accident that weekend happened right before this trip.

Fact #2

Jason's folks can take the kids and the kids are psyched. They're also in traveling mode because of last week and are used to moving around a lot because of our summer "nomadicy".

Fact #3

I was able to see His plan in delayed flights last week in a powerful way...there's a very real possibility of that happening this time as well.

Fact #4

All the books I've been reading have focused me rightly.

The only downside to this whole adventure is the wicked jet lag: 14 hour time difference and only 5 days there! If you're a praying person pray for a miraculous jet lag avoidance!

The Answer

So, I promised to keep you posted, so here is His providence.

Someone has owed us some money for a few months and hasn't had the means to pay us back. He contacted us yesterday and said that he has the funds to pay us back today! The amount he gave us exactly the amount we needed to make rent!

Praise be to the One and only Provider of all good things!

Walking the Fine Edge of Faith

That's where I'm sitting.

I was able to retreat this weekend and focus back on what REALITY really is...

"Hi Reality, we haven't talked in awhile and I love all the honesty you bring to the conversation!"

I highly recommend reading George Mueller's autobiography and "Rees Howells: Intercessor"...both books have changed the very fiber of my life's direction. Their lives were incredibly difficult from a logical standpoint, and yet their growth and faith are something that I continue to desire. To be honest, I'm not sure I have the guts to live as they lived.

All this leads up to me getting home today and laughing when I find out we don't have enough money for rent that ought to be paid by Dec. 5th. How fitting of God to call me back to the place of His providence.

How short are we? Short enough, but I know that God's will is going to prevail. To be honest, part of me hopes He waits to answer until the 5th. I'll keep you posted!

Photo albums...avoid them!!!

I'm putzing around my folks' house and I happen to spy my childhood photo album. Big mistake!

I open it and am initially shocked to see how much my kids look like my sister and me as kids. Caedmon looks spookily similar to my little sister in baby pictures. This also brings me a measure of joy and hope...my sis and I are great friends and, so far, my kids seem to be getting along just as well.

Then I got into my tomboy and pre-pubescent years...a lot scarier looking than I remember. I now understand how someone could've mistaken me for a boy in the early 90s...I look like a boy! For some reason I've never been able to look at my childhood pictures as honestly as I can now. I feel like I'm looking in the light of young parent eyes. I'm not able to see myself as anything but gorgeous so far in my high school years. Maybe when my kids are teenagers I will be more honest with those images of my self.

Here's an immediate question that came to my mind as I look (specifically) at my jr. high pictures. "How did go through those years with such a well of confidence?" Looking at those pictures now I know my friends were kind people and my God was loving God. Both sheltered me from many of the comments that destroy many jr. high hearts. Thank God for His grace and forbearance in those years. Shaping me (really starting then) into the adult I am now.

I hope that this is something that continues to happen as I continue to get older. Thank You for family and an awesome life!

Not much...You?!

I've been listening to a lot of NPR the last couple of days...it had everything to do with a dead elk.

Jason shot a cow elk on Friday and I became the lone meat grinder and wrapper...if any of you have ever seen how much meat is on an elk you are probably very impressed by this point. I spent Sunday (1pm-10:30pm) up to my elbows in meat. As one of my friends pointed out, I'm a Montana girl/ hunter's daughter at heart because I didn't start hating what I was doing until 8:00! I have fond memories of sitting in my dad's garage hacking away at a dead animal. That didn't keep me from having meat dreams all Sunday night.

The main upside to all of this is that I don't have to buy meat for the next year...also, I love the taste of wild game and really can't stomache the taste of beef very well.

Sorry for the long amount of time of no blogging. I just haven't had the inclination. I have too much holiday related thinking going on right now and not enough inspiration. Thanks Mary and Gabe for the fun visit and Brit for the funny story mid-meat mess! Toodles!

About Time!

I stumbled across an article that many of us have wanted to write and probably should've. Anyone who has waited tables knows what a terrible witness many "Christian" customers are. I think everyone ought to work in customer service so that they are better customers!
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god_article.php?id=7198

Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood?

So, we're mostly moved into our new place of residence. Hallelujah for carports and tire swings! I feel so spoiled since I can kick the kids outside to play. AND...(drumroll please) the kids can play with the neighbors!!! That's right we have two different families with whom the kiddos can spend countless hours. They're lovin it and I'm lovin it! Also, there's a cheap and stupendous teenage babysitter just down the road. You'd think God had planned this out or something!

I'm shocked with how quiet it is here too. I'd gotten used to the mayhem of living with others and the silence helps me sleep, but it's definately weird. Hey, at least I can yell at my kids again without wondering if my friends think I'm a psycho.



For the most part I don't read women's contemporary fiction because it has zero depth and not much quality. I happened to pick up "The Debt" by Angela Hunt and was pleasantly blown away. She packs real Christian depth into stories with tough situations. Between Hunt and Beth Moore my views of well-known Christian women is changing. Pick up either authors stuff if you want something encouraging.

I'm Back...Jack! (Sort've)

I've been itching to get my mitts on some non-blocked internet and praise be to God the church has wireless!!! How did we all live before such a beast as DSL?!

Some words from my kiddos:

Ruthie:"Caedmon, give me my chopstick!"

Me:"You mean chapstick."

Ruthie:"Caedmon, give me my chapelstick!"

Sometimes, correcting 4 yr old wording is pointless. If you really want a lesson in being less judgemental live with other people for 4 1/2 months. I have been a part of 6 different households and God has called them all to walk through life in very different ways. They are all doing exactly what they're called to do and some are doing it in plenty and some are doing it in want. Yet they all opened up their homes and really their lives to a family walking a different path and loved us anyway.

One of my close friends and I have had a really tough year, we couldn't see past the different paths we were walking enough to love each other as we should. We have spent 6 months slowly rekindling the enjoyment we found in each other. I continue to be blown away by how God weaves each of our lives to walk our different roads RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER. Praise God for the times when those paths join and we can laugh and cry out of understanding. I continue to love my path...sure I wish that rock wasn't right in my way and I have moments of wanting to step off the path completely. Then I catch a glimpse of the end...or even the waterfall around the bend and I keep walking with my calves burning and drinking in the Living Water.

He Answers in His time

So God finally decided we can be done with nomadicy! We were approved to rent a 3 bedroom duplex! The only downside(s) is there's no dishwasher or washer/dryer. Housing perfection is unattainable at our income level, but 3 bedrooms sounds like heaven.

Here is God's sense of humor in this...back in May we moved out of our nice apartment assuming He took us out of there partially because rent was too much. The new place is nearly the same monthly amount! Also, I thought He wanted us to be nomadic so we could save funds for whatever we did next. He brought monthly giving down to the same level of squeaking by that we were doing in our apartment. I'm humbled by the blatant example He's given me of all resources coming only through His hand. I finally really believe that if He wanted us to have thousands of dollars monthly He could lead us to that job or those donors. But He (in His crazy wisdom) knows what I need to grow, "further in, further up". The stinker.

Sounds like we can't move in until around Nov. 1st to our place so I we'll stay with my friends who have no TV and internet until then. It's tough on me to live w/o my comforts of "House M.D." and "ER" and "Grey's Anatomy". Though I totally respect the couple we're living with and their decision to go without electronic distraction. So, I'm blogging in the church sanctuary right now, plying silence from the kids with "Veggietales."

Thank you for the blogosphere!

Tis the season...

...for illness to begin. Kids have now been at school just long enough for the germs to explode into green snot and barf. Somehow my kids have dodged being sick so far and have settled into mere seasonal allergies.

Caedmon has been into praying lately. Here's a typical bedtime prayer: "God, thank you...Bubba, Lana, Roofie (ruth), mom, dad. Help peanut butter not be bad, help mom and dad not be bad. Help Jesus not be bad. My dreams sleep good....Amen!" I love it!

I woke up Friday morning praising God. I lay there filled with the beauty of the dreams He had given me. The dreams spoke of our church Body and where God could lead us if we gave over all of our Self to His plan. It was amazing to walk through the dream sensing each of our struggles and truimphs on the spiritual plain. He had us walking with our spiritual eyes on and it was beautiful. It was such a great gift.

He's been giving me a lot of spiritual gifts lately, which has made the physical hardships sting less. Praise God for His wisdom that surpasses mine!

I Joined the League of Pastor's Wives

I'm oh so excited about this...nothing like finding a group who knows where you're coming from! Holla out to my sisters!

Here I Sit...

...crying out.
Trying to find
what You're all about.

As yet I don't know what to say,
as yet I don't know what to do.
But all will reveal Himself in time.

On the move once again. Place of rest #5 since May. Let me just say that moving 2 cars worth of stuff every couple of weeks really takes it out of a woman. Luckily the kids don't notice the stress that radiates off of me every moving day. Then there's the questioning of God I do more than I think I should; that combined with mourning over a lost food budget and comfort zone is enough to make me crack like a toddler faced with a three course veggie dinner.

When will it all slow down?? I don't know.

Oh yeah, I've also been informed that I've been a jerk about the whole situation. I've made some of my friends feel like I look down on them for their homes and food budgets and trips to the zoo. In reality I don't look down on them, it's just plain old jealousy rearing its ugly mug.
I've withdrawn from a lot of my friends because I'm ashamed and embarrassed of where God leads us, no one else seems to be traveling this road we're on right now. But, talking to some of the pastor's wives and other women in the body, they've been on this road long ago and have now walked on to different roads. Thank God that this may only last for 10 YEARS!

A new development on the spiritual attack front: Ruthie's innocence and character were attacked this week. It was one of those "playing doctor" situations that every mom probably will have, but never wants. It's hard to strike the right balance of making your kid understand that you love them and, "Please for the love of God always tell me when something like this happens!" You don't want to freak your 4 yr old out, but they need to grasp some of the seriousness of it. To complicate the situation the perpetrator of this incident is the older sibling of one of Ruthie's friend's....AT CHURCH! That means I have to see the other mother nearly every week in our church of only 100 people. Crap. The other mother asked her kids what happened and, of course, they denied it and she backs them up (I would too). I just hope that A) I can continue to respond to this mom as a fellow sister and B) her kids will fess up or get caught doing it again.

Went to a prayer night last night and had a "Nearness to God" experience. I've had the feeling of God surrounding me before, but this felt like He took over my whole body and I was the size of a newborn rocking in His arms. If I could sit there all the time I would.

Last Good Cry

Yesterday was cathartic (sp?)...all that we've been experiencing lately caught up with me. I scared myself...I haven't felt that full of despair since before Living Waters. It was good though, Jason encouraged me to drive away and find a shoulder to cry on. I called a woman from church who I know only slightly, but who has great compassion, great prayer and has been where we have been.
I called her and asked if I could come over and as I drove over there I kept trying to pull it together. I didn't want to walk in the door with red eyes and sniffling (stupid, since I went there to cry) so she wouldn't see how much I was hurting, but God wouldn't let me. We got to her basement and I broke down...emotionally and bodily. I cried as if my world had ended and apparently I really need to.
It's hard to cry like that as an adult. I have this internal "adult" response monitor that continually tell me to pull it together. But a good crying jag is definately okay.
Thank You for safe women who can comfort me when I need it. Thank You for a husband who understands and supports me. Thank You for emotional outlets
I'm really curious...when was your last good cry????

Day from Eviltown

Some days with one's "angelic" children can turn out damn near awful. My kids woke up and irritated each other nonstop for 2 hours. Time-outs were being tossed around like yellow cards in the 2006 FIFA World Cup.
I don't have any $ to buy food for a couple days and our coffers are low (by American standards), and for some reason I'm anal about having full cupboards. So, there were 2 things to stress me out.
Then the hose from the washer came loose and sprayed water all over the kitchen while I'm trying to get out the door with the kids. I finally herd the whining urchins into their seats and get into the driver's seat. And the DAMN CLUTCH sinks to the floor. I barely restrained all the F words about fly from my lips as I trudged back into the house.
So, I'm about to crack and my dear spouse quickly bleeds the line so we can be on our way. The kids had a great time at the Children's Museum and Ruth didn't even argue when I said it was time to go. Caedmon refused to walk to the car...picking him up would be bad parenting cause he wouldn've won (I'm stubborn too). So, Ruth and I pretended to walk to the car and hid behind a bush (I swear this is good parenting too). He screamed bloody murder as he angrily took a step forward every 2 minutes. I finally got him to walk most of the way before he lay down on the pavement. It was go time. I stuck him under my arm and booked it to the car.
You wanna hear the most irritating sound in the world? I don't, but that 20 minute car ride was unavoidable. He was a pissed 2 year old screaming at the top of his lungs like one possessed. And part of me thinks he was.
And as I took deep cleansing breaths in the car listening to "Caedmon's Call" (ironic, huh) mingled with my son's crying jag I thought of humanity. How often have I had to move forward because of life circumstances and gone whining and kicking? I wonder if those around me (God and my own kids included) ever want to take deep cleansing breaths and turn up the praise?

So, I'm back from Nicaragua...talk about a learning experience. There's the usual talk of foreign food giving me the runs and foreign driving being a contact sport, and then there's the differences.

Glue Boys- We hung out in Masaya with a cadre of boys who roam the streets. They stay high most of the time on the most god-awful smelling glue my nose has ever met. We decided to take them out of their element for a day and piled 12 of them into the van with us. We drove to a rain forest preserve and had a park ranger take us around a loop to see monkeys, parrots and waterfalls. Think of your own kids and how much they get to enjoy...these street hardened boys may have had their only chance to be fascinated by nature that day. They all lit up like kids on Christmas. Their manners showed up and they were calm. Only 3 of the 12 felt the need to continue sniffing glue that day. It engages my tender mother heart when I see these 9 to 15 yr-old men-children running in a pack on Nicaraguan streets.

The other comfort-jarring event came in the barrio's by the dump. There is a city built from scrap wood, metal and kiddie pool linings on the edge of Managua's dump. These families send their men up on the mountain of garbage to forage for survival...EVERY DAY. There is no other existence for them. We took packs of beans & rice to many mothers in the barrio during the day. The locals told us it's much safer to hand out food when the men are away. I figured it just got a little more chaotic. Our leader decided to drive up to where the men were scavenging for their livelihood. It felt like a scene from "Dawn of the Dead"...as soon as the men spotted the van their heads turned in unison and an animal hunger for whatever we had in our van caused them all to sprint for the car. Bodies mashed against the side of the van as we tossed what rice bags we had left out of the window and spun away.

What does one say after seeing this? How do I reconcile all the joyfully poor Nicaraguan believers I met with the pouty, selfish, depressed believers that live in the states? I tell you, for the first time I have a blatant, country-sized example of how material things don't mean shit. How do I keep that at the forefront of my brain?